Film review: ‘The Curse of La Llorona’

For those who have never heard the eerie sound of riverside weeping, get familiar with the Latin American legend of La Llorona, a Medea-like figure who drowned her children to punish her philandering husband. La Llorona was a little more regretful than her Grecian counterpart and still wanders waterways looking for her lost kids… and trying to find new victims so she can exchange them for her boys. The preamble to the film “The Curse of La Llorona” is a cheeseball reenactment of her origin story in 17th century Mexico.

We then spring forward to Los Angeles in the 1970s, where single mother Anna (Linda Cardellini) wears sharp bell bottoms and does social work. She pays a social-work visit to Patricia Alvarez (Patricia Velasquez), who is keeping her two young sons locked in a closet because she believes that’s the only way to keep La Llorona from killing them. With regrets, Anna must take away Patricia’s kids… and she feels like a real jerk when they wind up dead. La Llorona drowns them in the L.A. River, no less - who can say how long it took her to find any water there.

After she catches them gawking at the crime scene, La Llorona makes Anna’s kids Chris (Roman Christou) and Samantha (Jaynee-Lynne Kinchen) her next targets. Despite her clammy, decayed appearance she leaves red hot wounds on the kids’ arms when she grabs them. They escape back home and the film becomes increasingly housebound. And it’s a pretty big spread for a social worker whose deceased husband was a cop - it features creaky floorboards, a disused attic and a swimming pool.

They are visited on occasion by their dad’s old partner, Detective Cooper (Sean Patrick Thomas). He seems to have caught a bit of a fever for Anna, but there’s no time for romance when you’re only ever a few moments away from a slam cut to a decomposing ghoul.

While the film keeps a few traces of Latin American history, it caters to non-Spanish speaking audiences. One of its most amusing elements is the way characters reflexively translate statements they’ve just made. For example: “Es mi culpa! … It’s my fault!”

At wits end, Anna consults with Father Perez (Tony Amendola), who cannot assist her against witchcraft under the aegis of the church. But he does refer her to a priest-turned-curandero named Rafael (Raymond Cruz, Tuco from “Breaking Bad”). Rafael runs a surefire test to proves the place is stalked by dark magic - the inside of an egg turns to squid ink when he rubs it against a doorframe. He has to find a fresh one to make a scramble to fortify the family for a La Llorona attack: “This comida is for comfort.”

He gets busy setting “Home Alone” style traps for the wraith - activities include spreading mulch from “the fire tree,” hanging a wind chime/dreamcatcher and aggressively shaking a maraca. Anna has to dash to a bodega and buy a couple hundred dollars’ worth of candles.

“The Curse of La Llorona” is part of “The Conjuring” series of assembly line screamers - director Michael Chaves must have bored even himself with his reliance on jump cuts to startle the audience. The film runs only 93 minutes but its exhausting reliance on limited POV shots makes you hope La Llorona finishes off the kids quicker.

Other than Rafael, no one is even a little bit funny, which adds to the drudgery of waiting on the next jolt. And La Llorona, despite her manic attacks and black tears, isn’t scary - her appearances are merely jarring. It’s a problem that the Wikipedia entry about the myth is spookier than the content in the film.