Mark Wahlberg serves up heavenly ‘Stu’

In the oversweet Easter treat “Father Stu,” Marky Mark Is Risen. It comes as a bit of a shock that Mr. Wahlberg has enthusiastically embraced “faith-based entertainment” in his middle age but don’t worry too much about the wholesome content of this true-life story of a most unlikely priest. While the last third of the film touches on Stu’s inspiring, unshakable devotion to our Lord and Savior, the first two thirds are about a dude trying to get paid and laid in early ‘90s L.A.

We meet Stu as a handlebar-mustached palooka bloodying noses in small-time bouts at half-full Montana gymnasiums. He’s quick with the quips and possesses a quixotic abandon, so when a doctor tells Stu his boxing days have ended, our hero decides to light out for California to become an actor. When his mom, Kathleen (Jacki Weaver), worries because he’s never been east of Missoula, Stu insists he isn’t signing up for, “No blue collar b.s.”

And yet he finds work behind a deli counter in sunny SoCal, swinging his body around like a side of beef. One day, above a slab of spareribs, he espies Carmen (Teresa Ruiz), who prefers Fish Fridays at church to his meathead charms. Stu’s persistent enough to track her down at a nearby congregation where he sets himself a-wooing. To secure a date, he promises to get baptized (“Where’s the water, I’ll do it now!”), attend Sunday school sessions and clean up his act.

But what Stu actually spends most of his free time on is getting tanked at the bar—he catches as many DUI raps as acting roles. After a few too many brews one evening, his bleary eyes land on a fellow barfly who looks and speaks just like Jesus Christ. When he spills over the handlebars of his motorbike on the ride home, Stu catches a vision of Mary—suddenly his religious conviction increases.

When Kathleen visits Stu, she cries out in alarm, “Are you doing a porno?” “No, I’m going to be a priest!” “For Halloween?” Stu gets little support from his ne’er-do-well father, Bill (played by Mel Gibson because “cancel culture” is not a real thing, especially when you’re dating the director of the film), so he seeks guidance from a bigger padre.

That’s Monsignor Kelly (Malcolm McDowell), who runs the seminary Stu bluffs his way into. What follows is a sort of reality show competition to see if Stu’s unorthodox ways will prevent his confirmation into the cloth. Wahlberg is, of course, no stranger to a devotional schedule. His Instagram reveals his regular day includes a monkish 2:30 a.m. wakeup call for prayer followed by a workout, breakfast and cryogenic recovery, all before the sun rises.

Stu is diagnosed with Inclusion Body Myositis (a degenerative ALS-like disease) where muscles stop working properly and weight gain is inevitable, leading to a loss of bodily functions and early death. Mimicking Robert De Niro’s portly pugilist in “Raging Bull,” Wahlberg pounded 7,000 calories a day to get Stu’s belly and jowls just right.

Despite the actor’s bottomless blarney, we never quite buy Stu’s quest for meaning. If writer/director Rosalind Ross lost the dewy Hallmark Channel sheen and actually examined Stu’s motivations to be a priest, this might have been interesting film. Instead, it strains too hard for unearned significance. Father Stu is fond of saying, “God don’t make mistakes.” But filmmakers do.