A mother’s burden? Sonoma children’s book author helps lighten the load

New parents are sometimes shocked by the abundance of gear tiny humans seem to need once they arrive. There’s the crib, the car seat, the bouncy chair, the sling, the changing table, the stroller and the diaper bag, for starters.

Inside said diaper bag are further supplies, everything from bananas to burp cloths to band-aids. All told, the requisite tools of modern parenting are many, and the workload for mothers can feel awfully heavy.

Caitlyn Wallinger, 34, found herself stunned by the sheer volume of work required of new parents when her oldest, Max, was a baby. Preparing to exit the house for a few hours was like preparing for battle; a tactical game plan was required each time.

“We’d be trying to get out of the house, and it was the the diaper bag, purse, water bottle and snacks. And, of course, the kid himself,” she said.

All that schlepping made Wallinger feel like a pack mule, which led her to begin musing about a mother’s role. Before long she’d dreamed up a plot for a children’s book, a story she titled “Mother Mule.”

“We would laugh at all the stuff, and the joke turned into a story,” Wallinger said.

In “Mother Mule,” the weary main character struggles to carry her assigned load. She’s got obligations to Brother Mule, Baby Mule and Daddy Mule, too. She loves them all fiercely, but together, they’re a lot. She carries all of their belongings in her pack all day long, driven to ensure that what they need is at hand.

What Mother Mule needs, on the other hand, is continually deflected. Her very identity is predicated on sacrifice.

One day she finds herself at the edge of a small pool of water, and it whispers to her to sit for a spell. Mother Mule is too busy, she has small mules to tend, but the whispering persists and she is eventually convinced.

Off her feet for the first time all day, Mother Mule begins finally to relax. At the bottom of the pool is a heavy gold stone, and Mother Mule is encouraged to pick it up.

“It’s quite heavy and she doesn’t want to put it in her pack,” Wallinger said. “When she does, she discovers it’s magical.”

The rock isn’t heavy now, but as light as a feather, and the load she’s been carrying is lifted at once. Sometimes, asking for and accepting help from another is the only way to shoulder our burdens. Sometimes, even supermoms can’t carry it all.

“Mothers need to learn to lean on the people who are there for them,” Wallinger said. “There’s a stigma that asking for help is a sign of weakness, but actually, asking for help is a sign of courage. Finding the courage to ask for help is a lesson I’ve had to learn in motherhood.”

The story is artfully illustrated by Kelcey Jones in a cheerful palette that is bold but not garish. It’s a children’s book, but its message is intended for the adults turning pages, too, to remind them that parenting was never intended to be solo sport. Comfort is found in collaboration, and offers of help “spread like magic.”

Wallinger moved to Sonoma in 2009 after she and her husband, Wes, graduated from Sonoma State University. She’s a stay-at-home mother to Max, 6, and Levi, 3, and wrote “Mother Mule” late at night when her children were sleeping and in daytime snuggle sessions with both boys in her lap.

She has three additional books planned with the same characters, one for each member in her family of four. “They’re constantly making you laugh or go crazy,” she said. “With kids, there’s just so much material.”

“Mother Mule” is available on Amazon for $15.99, and will be in bookstores when the pandemic allows. Readers can keep up with Wallinger on Instagram @caitlynwallinger, or at her website at caitlynwallinger.com.

Contact Kate at kate.williams@sonomanews.com