A Father's Day story of Howard and Donald Costello

Howard Costello always keeps the porch light on for Don…|

If a father-and-son pair could embody the spirit of Sonoma’s sense of community, Howard and Donald Costello might very well be it.

Howard is the father who served the community teaching and helping at Sonoma Valley High School for a total of 57 years. Don, his son, now living in Oregon, is a judge for the Coquille tribe’s judicial and court systems. Though he’s led a busy life, Don, now in his mid 60s, finds time to visit his father often, making the 500-mile drive down to Sonoma almost once a month.

Howard describes himself as a “professional porch-sitter.” And with 92 years under his belt, he deserves the relative peace. As he sits on his porch, many people visit him - strangers, friends, Don. He says sometimes as many as 30 people visit him in a day at the porch.

Don is no stranger to the porch either. His favorite part of visiting his dad is spending time with him.

“We go out to dinners and we have our favorite spots, or we go on drives or run errands,” he said. “But none of that is as important as just spending time with him. I sit there on the porch with him and we just watch the world go by.”

Howard has been a big part of the community over the years, teaching math at Sonoma Valley High School for more than three decades. But some may remember him as more than just a teacher - he coached football, baseball and basketball. And, even after retiring in 1982, he stayed on helping in any way he could, administering advanced-placement tests, working out of the counseling office, and more.

Since then, Howard’s lived a simple and quiet life. Though his wife Marge passed away six years ago, he’s not by any means lonely. After giving up driving at age 90, friends and neighbors have been helping Howard however they can. They drive him to get groceries, check up on his health and take him on hospital visits.

Don said that Howard is “a great example of living a simple, quiet life and living a life of moderation.” His life is also reflective of Sonoma’s tight-knit community. His wife Marge worked for many years volunteering at Friends In Sonoma Helping (FISH), and though Don lives in Oregon, his frequent presence makes him very much part of the community.

Don graduated from SVHS as the class valedictorian in 1966. After, he attended UC Berkeley where he earned a bachelor’s degree in anthropology. Though he’s no stranger to sports, his passion directed him toward rowing, and he participated in Cal’s varsity crew team while at the school. In 1972, he went into law school, graduating four years later.

After practicing law in central Oregon for several years, even opening up his own firm, Don found a perfect fit for his background in law and anthropology. For 19 years, he’s worked with the Coquille Indian Tribe in Coos Bay, developing much of their court system and serving as a judge for the sovereign tribe.

He says the job goes beyond just being a judge in a courthouse. “I see myself as an architect, or a builder,” he said. “A lot of the work we’re doing is the same thing the state courts of California were doing over 160 years ago.”

Much like his father before him, Don saw fit to coach - even today, he’s an assistant volunteer coach for crew at the University of Oregon. His athletes look up to him and often seek advice for finding the right career or path in life.

He tells them: “It’s not about what you’re going to do, it’s about how you do it.” And that the most important thing is cultivating yourself as a person, able to make the right choices.

This advice stems from his own personal experience. He says, in retrospect, coming out of high school, he was already equipped with all the tools he’d ever needed to accomplish what he’s been able to do so far - he just needed the educational background, but beyond that, he believes that his parents prepared him well enough to be the person he is today.

Though the two seem to lead contrasting lives – one from a porch bench, the other from a court bench - it’s not hard to see how one came from the other.

Don says he’s in Sonoma about 40 days out of the year. Though they’ll be celebrating Father’s Day a week late, he’ll be back later this month - spending time with Howard, likely sitting on the porch.

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