Film review: ‘Avengers: Infinity War’

Marvel’s new ‘Avengers’ pulls out all the stops... and stunts|

As “Avengers: Infinity War” blasts into theaters, it’s a good time to take stock of 10 years under the reign of Marvel Studios. The 18 films in the franchise have generated no more than five to seven compelling minutes onscreen (the brief period in which it appeared Michael B. Jordan’s Erik Killmonger would take his rightful place on the throne in “Black Panther”). Otherwise the films continue to accumulate with all the artfulness of a hoarder who’s just blocked the last point of egress from his urine-drenched apartment.

The Russo Brothers, the directorial team behind the new Avengers picture, teased that multiple heroes would perish in this film and it’s hard not to play favorites with those who might bite it. There are actors you hope will die so that they can continue their promising careers – Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow), Mark Ruffalo (Hulk), Idris Elba (Heimdall) – and those who are so useless that they might has well retain their Marvel sinecures – Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man), Chris Evans (Captain America), Gwyneth Paltrow (Pepper Potts).

First a word about the titular infinity - it does not refer to things that approach the infinite, like the number of characters (approximately 30 heroes and five villains) or the length of the film (two hours and 40 minutes). It refers instead to the Infinity Stones, which resemble very powerful Jolly Ranchers and allow for the control of universal elements: soul, time, mind… sour apple? At any rate, there is a large, purple population-reduction enthusiast called Thanos (Josh Brolin) with a simple plan: collect all six Infinity Stones to complete his Lite-Brite gauntlet then kill half the beings in the universe with the snap of his bejeweled fingers.

Arriving to stop him on his quest is, well, everyone - Marvel films have successfully moved away from plot and instead use character introductions to consume most of their runtime.

Iron Man and Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) bring the cumulative power of their skinny goatees. Spider-Man (Tom Holland) gee whizzes around, and Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman) gives a spirited “Wakanda Forever!” There are other minor characters you remember from movies/advertising campaigns past: Vision (Paul Bettany), the one with the Infinity Stone embedded in his forehead, and Falcon (Anthony Mackie), the one who flies around on mechanical wings… like a falcon. Some heroes adapt out-of-the-box strategies - Mantis (Pom Klementieff) tries to hypnotize Thanos with her wide, Zuckerberg-black eyes, and Captain America hopes his rhetoric might just bore Thanos to death. There are many more characters but let’s stop there, due to space restrictions and tedium.

The constant set-piece combat allows for dozens of ironic asides during the fighting (exactly one in four of these jokes are funny). The signature Marvel humor extends to sight gags, as when noted little thespian Peter Dinklage appears as giant.

The script - the parts that aren’t just superheroes grunting - feels like it was written by emotional teenagers who’ve just seen a backyard theatrical of “Romeo and Juliet” - multiple couples make their beloved promise to kill them should they fall into the grip of Thanos.

As one of his henchman intones to some poor Asgaardian soul bleeding out on the ground, “You may think this is suffering, but it is salvation.” Tell that to the person trying to hold their eyes open for the entirety of “Avengers: Infinity War.” The film demands to be taken seriously, not unlike a toddler pounding his high chair until he spills his Fruity Pebbles all over the floor.

At one point, Doctor Strange looks into the future and sees 14-million-to-one odds on the Avengers succeeding in stopping Thanos… or were those the odds against there not being a sequel to this film?

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