Across its interminable run time, “Ted 2” tries on the tropes of the bro comedy, musical, courtroom melodrama, road movie, action thriller and Hepburn-Tracy battle of the sexes.
It tries to be many things, including funny, which it isn’t. The most intriguing thing about the film is that, in movie theaters across the country, there are people filling seats because they believe otherwise.
The membrane-thin plot is that Ted (the vulgar animated bear voiced by writer/director/trash impresario Seth MacFarlane) must prove his personhood in a court of law. Through voice modulation alone, MacFarlane offers a more human performance than does Mark Wahlberg as Ted’s buddy John – he does as little as possible in his bid to make the Mount Rushmore of phoned-in sequel performances.
Given the utter lack of laughs, one can focus on the pathology of the director. “Ted 2” falls into patterns: white actors (Jay Leno, Tom Brady, Patrick Warburton) are introduced via their anatomy and African-American actors (Dennis Haysbert, Ron Canada, Morgan Freeman) are introduced for their smooth voices. Women appear merely to be called promiscuous, with Ted’s wife Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) absorbing much of the abuse.
At the intersection of these concerns is a recurring gag wherein “black c---s” is the return for any Google search. Or the scene at a sperm donation center wherein John has an unfortunate collision with a cart full of rejected samples, which, MacFarlane clarifies, are unusable because they carry sickle-cell anemia. This is the crux of his humor: it must be crude and it must insult a minority group (and, if possible, a Kardashian).
Ted’s “civil rights” lawyer, Amanda Seyfried, is named Sam L. Jackson…which is not funny any of the times it’s mentioned. But it’s the actress Seyfried replaces in the sequel, Mila Kunis, who acquits herself the best in “Ted 2” – she’s a ghost, a woman escaped, perhaps having read the script instead of cashing the check.
• • •
“Ted 2” is showing at the Sonoma 9 Cinemas. Rated R. Running time 1:55. Visit www.cinemawest.com.
UPDATED: Please read and follow our commenting policy: