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Pushing for open adoptions

Sometimes adoption and secrecy are synonymous, and adoptive families find themselves living in a hush-hush world. Sonomans Gene and Cathie Sperring, who raised two adopted children, believe families like theirs should let go of secrets and instead seek answers.

They think adopted persons have a right to know who gave birth to them and that they should have information about, and possibly get to know, their first parents. Gene is the Northern California representative of the American Adoption Congress, a nationwide organization that promotes honesty in adoption and works to pass legislation making it easier for adopted people to learn their backgrounds. Gene and Cathie are both active in the organization because, as Cathie puts it, “A person should be able to say, ‘I want to know who I am.’”

The Sperrings recognize that not everyone feels as they do. Their son, now 42, has found his roots and enjoys a warm relationship with his extended family. Their daughter, who is 38, knows who gave birth to her and has made contact, but does not feel the need to meet in person. Though each made a different choice, the important thing is that searching was their option. There are no secrets.

Most adoptions arranged by agencies today are open, but previously in the United States closed adoptions were the norm. Beginning in the 1930s, states passed legislation that sealed original birth certificates, intending to protect the privacy of the first parents, assuming that they would not want anyone to know they decided not to raise their child. Laws also intended to protect the adoptive parents, ensuring that first parents could not come looking for the child they relinquished. Now those laws are starting to change.

The Sperrings were thrilled when they got the news they’d be adopting their son. They had been told the waiting list was very long, not to get their hopes up, and then out of the blue came a call. They didn’t even have a nursery ready when they brought him home a couple of days later. The Children’s Home Society advised them to tell their son he was adopted “even before he knew what it meant” and that was what they did. They were just as elated when their daughter arrived, and were always honest with her as well.

“They told us just to go on like this never happened, and that’s what we did. The children always knew they were adopted but we didn’t talk about it much. They didn’t want to think that they were different,” Cathie said. The Sperrings didn’t know anything about the first parents, so there didn’t seem to be much to say.

But then the Internet information explosion changed the adoption world. Suddenly there were ways to search, and a generation of adopted persons started seeking out their heritage.

The Sperring’s son was one of those people. With his parent’s help and blessings, he was successful. His interest sparked after he and his college girlfriend had a child they relinquished in an open adoption, actually putting the baby in the arms of her new parents in an “entrustment ceremony.” They have continued to have contact with the child and her adoptive family.

Gene and Cathie say they have always felt a connection to the original parents of their children, and often wondered about them. When they were having difficulty finding their son’s mother, “I used to psychically send her messages that I loved her and was so grateful that she made a very hard choice that gave me so much joy,” Cathie said.

The Sperrings began getting involved in what they call “the adoption world” seven years ago because of the experiences of their adult children and their searches. They now know adoption is a much more psychologically complicated experience than they thought when they were happily raising their children 30 years ago.

“American Adoption helped me become more educated about my own situation. My hopes now are that I can do all the right things to make adoption as open as possible and facilitate as many family connections as possible,” Gene said. He is driven to let adopted persons know that there is help out there if they are trying to find their original birth certificate.

The Sperrings have been honored for their successful parenting and for their work in support of the adoption community. In 2010, they were named Angels in Adoption by the Congress, traveling to Washington, D.C., to receive their award. It was an amazing honor and experience that has fueled their energy to continue the work.

“People have said to us over the years how lucky our kids are to have us parents. But that’s wrong. It’s how lucky we are to have them,” Gene said.

Cathie agrees. “We have been given the privilege of raising these children and I will do anything to support the four parents that allowed it,” she said. “It’s very important for people to know all the parts of their identity.”